On again, off again, who the heck is in my mirror?!

I could start this blog by giving you the same song and dance you normally hear on dieting blogs. I've been overweight most my life, blah blah blah. Yes, its true, but what really struck me is how I FEEL!
That's why I'm starting this blog.
You can read all about me on the side bar, but this is about the why I'm journaling like this now.
I'm going to be frank here. I'll be blunt and vulnerable. Writing is my therapy, it calms me, and allows me to put things in perspective.

So here I am. I don't feel FAT! I get up in the morning, I get dressed, fix my hair, put on my makeup and feel good. Then there are those moments like this past weekend. Saturday at a Halloween carnival there were pictures taken.

I look at that picture and wonder why it does not reflect how I feel. I felt good that night. I felt cute, and sexy. I didn't feel fat. Yesterday was the same way, I got dressed in some cute fall clothes that I forgot I had, and we all went to the mall. I walked by a full length mirror and didn't even recognize myself.
A year ago I lost 50 pounds. I've gained it back. Its embarassing, I'm disappointed in myself, and could write a lengthy list of excuses as to why. But I won't. Because it boils down to choices. Choices I made that stopped my progression of losing weight and getting healthy, and went back the other way. Life is easier this way. Eat as much as I want when I want. But I'm tired of the reflection in the mirror not matching how I feel on the inside. So here I am. Love me or hate me, I am me.